Reverie Christmas
Strange Christmas. Now that it's past --mere minutes left in Christmas Day-- I recognize how strange it was.
Yesterday, Christmas Eve, I spent alone in my house. It's hard to get invited to a Christmas Eve gathering, Christmas Eve is for families, and I wouldn't have accepted an invitation anyway, I wanted to be alone and see how I handled it. Third Christmas alone. The first two were not good, this one was a delight. And very odd.
Somewhere into the evening I had a memory of a Christmas past, a very splendid memory. --What I noted as the evening continued on was that I continued to have such memories. They would come unbidden, sometimes for a moment, sometimes for minutes, and they were keenly vivid, images of past times and past joy. Intermittently I did feel some sadness, but the emotions most often were those of remembered affections-- and those remembered affections were more real than the present.
That's gone now, the end of Christmas Day. Apparently there was some odd mental function that brought back the past in memory so clearly that it was present. There was no struggle toward that past, it merely appeared, and it was my life....
But, as I say, it's gone now. It doesn't hurt to recognize that at one time that past was not memory.
I do think this will be my last such Christmas. I think reverie can be real only once.
Yesterday, Christmas Eve, I spent alone in my house. It's hard to get invited to a Christmas Eve gathering, Christmas Eve is for families, and I wouldn't have accepted an invitation anyway, I wanted to be alone and see how I handled it. Third Christmas alone. The first two were not good, this one was a delight. And very odd.
Somewhere into the evening I had a memory of a Christmas past, a very splendid memory. --What I noted as the evening continued on was that I continued to have such memories. They would come unbidden, sometimes for a moment, sometimes for minutes, and they were keenly vivid, images of past times and past joy. Intermittently I did feel some sadness, but the emotions most often were those of remembered affections-- and those remembered affections were more real than the present.
That's gone now, the end of Christmas Day. Apparently there was some odd mental function that brought back the past in memory so clearly that it was present. There was no struggle toward that past, it merely appeared, and it was my life....
But, as I say, it's gone now. It doesn't hurt to recognize that at one time that past was not memory.
I do think this will be my last such Christmas. I think reverie can be real only once.
posted by mouse at 10:14 PM
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